what happend to me lately

actually what happend to me i dont know
after that problem i lost my confidence
a lot thing i scare want go touch
when do something i will think and think
scare myself will do wrong decision again
even i want tell out true
but i scare the truly will hurt the people care me
day by day time by time
new day again but nearly the time i promise
the answer i tell out really will hurt people
i got hurt before i know what is pain
that is a always follow me that is scar in my heart
i scare will got one more scar so from start until now
i persist in freind situation reject and reject
even now i know he still waiting my last decision
i told him two month later answer still same
because i know what i want but i dont know why will become like this
this time i let situation become so complicate
untill i dont know how to solve it
hope he will understand if i accept that is unfair for him
because until today he still no leave from my heart
even i try and try want he move out from here
i am tired and tired real life he already left from me one more month
sometime i really hope tonight i sleep then tomorrow wake up
i lost all the memory then i sure will not so pain
everything just will become new start for me
hope time pass soon and fast then will let me forgetten everything
who can help? i dont know... now is myself help myself..
hope i will be right back
pain in heart smile on face...
that is lately bean bean...
what is real smile i lost long time
so i dont know what is smile from heart..