what should i do

exam finished but feel moody
what happend to me
is it because you let me feel like that
relationship is really can let people happy or sad
from i start touch relationship i cant get happy ending
so i really scare want try one more time
maybe i am timid
when you think got hope then suddenly broken situation
i dont think you will like me treat it nature and unrestrained
i not perfect and superwomen
i still got feel of scare with something
when you see me after the relationship i still in strengthen
that is i act because i dont want my family worry
at the strengthen behind i need persuade myself dont let tear out again
but when i alone my tear will uncontrol flow out
i already try my best to accept but at last my heart still cant accept
so now you still want wait but i told you
when you keep on like that i only say i dont know what should i do
becuase i really tired and tired
i need a rest for myself
i am so so sorry...
at last is disappointed answer given you again not hope
after few day you wait again wait my answer
today exam was finish now i let you know everything is end by two year ago
if two year ago i havnt meet him i say seriouly that time is chance
now chance was pass...
everything gone by two year....

try my best

after a lot thing happend again in my life
now i only can say everything i will try best
a lot thing already is not under control
i so tired with what happend lately and facing lately
how come when i think already can be peace
then suddenly will something happend
this time problem is not under my control
everything like a movie haapend
i really dont know how to solve
i already try my best
how you still dont want choose to believe me
seriously what can i do and what can i done
and at last what i want everything i let you know
so if you still keep on i really dont have tenaga go avoid
becuase the superwomen that you always say no easy to beat
now she already lost everything
now she try her best to gain back her confidence
but need how long she dont know
she want time...
please let her break....
she will thanks a lot to you
i really need a break to myself....
now for her breath will pain think will pain
so now she dont want to think....
let me complete my last paper 1st...
know you everyday will come visit my blog
now i only want let you know
i really need a break...
now is hurt for you better at last is hurt and pain for you
you dont mind no means i dont mind too
love is great dont have people can like you
great until dont mind be replace...
that is stupid action now you dont mind
no means you dont mind forever...........

you are no wrong

dont say sorry to me again
sorry become meaningless in my life
why everytime must wait untill realise do wrong
just know say sorry why dont prevent first
in this few month this word already become my life need to heard word
i already tired with this word
very funny within 5 month i already heard almost more than 20 time sorry
you and her problem dont let me involve
she care about you is not her wrong
suddenly get a message scold by people
she dont know what happend to me i wont blame her
i really need a long break for my heart first
no more tenaga go invovle in love game anymore
even tenaga nasional support me behind i aslo need time to let myself return
the hurt from him really is a one more scar in my heart
even i really accept be friend back what is the feel
he wont know i hope time really can let me gone this all about him
i really no more confidence
now i realy need time to treatment my scar
dont waste time on me
thanks for you let me know that i still have chance let people love
but after twice same situation you think i will not scare
scare and scare
thanks
you continue go ahead you will see more
the time you will think how stupid we are
so now i try my best to go ahead let me forget

什么是公平的对待

好久已经看不到公平
现在不管我做什么都是错
不管我做怎样的决定都是我不对
到底有没有人可以站在我的立场
为我想一下我为什么会是带出这个决定
爱情如果可以那么容易就割舍出来
那个已经不是爱
我为自己的爱情生活做个决定难道有错吗
我想知道自己错在哪里
是错在自己爱上一个不该爱的人
还是错在我没有去选择你
放弃选择是我的错
让人来选是我的错
也许现在我不管在爱情中做怎样的决定
都是我的错
错在我不该去爱人
错在我不该被人爱
错在自己不能拥有自己想要的爱情
错在受伤后再让人爱上却没有勇气接受
而选择了放弃让那个人受伤
最后朋友说是我的不该
公平到底是什么我已经不懂了
现在的我真的被这一连串的事件
压得我快喘不过气了
有种缺氧的感觉虽然知道问心无愧
就会没事但我到底要怎么做。。。
为什么总是我认为简单处理
但是到要我处理时
过程一定又会出现复杂的事让我招架不住

decision

a decision i make already is answer
why you still wait me give a final decision
sometime i think in world no only i am stupid
still got one more people like you
seriously whatever how many time answer i give still is same
i only hope you don't waste time on me
because at last you will feel tired
already try three time the answer still same
you still don't want give up i really don't know how to say
now i only scare one thing is at last we are cant be friend
hope you will try to go out from this omit situation
now for me is want deep clear my feel wont start relationship
you treat me best and nice i really appreciate
last few month i in down situation you push me out i really feel lucky
but friendship and relationship really is different
now i hope this holiday i can clear clean my feel
i already tired with what i try still same
after exam i will go genting with my family
25 may night i will go back BP
career is important for everyone
dont because me let gone the chance
no easy for you to get the position
he want have good concentrate in his career so he let me go
i wont blame him but you because me let its gone
i will blame myself because i worthless for a person sacrifice
i will hate myself be burden to someone that is me unwilling to see
accept the chance go out and see one more time
outside still have a lot nice cup tea wait for you
god bless you me also will pray for you
want go prepare tomorrow paper

scare

what is feel for disappionted i know
what is the taste i can feel it
i not cool people i still have feeling
dont say me just a cool person
and me no feeling person
i am not a non feeling person
what you done for me i can feel it
but i really need time to cover my hurt
if i really like what you say i wont get hurt
maybe only you leave just can let you see more nice cup of tea
then you will know that actually your cup of tea is not me
i not perfect like what you say
i am normal i got feel i scare failure i hate to face one more change
so i just will reject and reject
i want say that love and sympathy is different feel
so dont beacuse sympathy just give me a protect love
that is give alms love
now for me is want a long break to let myself back
and give everything gone let myself reborn
other is not important for me again
and i am not have the happy lot to belong it
happiness already far from me when he left
maybe i am not qualification to belong

blur situation pass my life

if can let me choose again i hope i can return
return back to long time ago that dont have problem time
then with blur blur pass my time
dont go think too much
just through simple and simple n simple life
my blur i can leave a lot thing beside me
but i think a lot a lot thing gone because requirement became high
i am tired and tired with now what i facing
hope all can pass soon
because i really dont know how to solve
only let it gone by time
in blur situation i pass my 4 paper
now leave 2 more paper for my final
all the best and good luck for two more paper
after exam is time for me back to homwtown solve some problem
hope everything should be ok
cos i really something change again
is time for me take a short rest
because last two week exam no sleep well
take a rest then go for another two more paper

不知何时起

最近总是开始觉得
在自己的生活的圈中
才能看到真正的自己
要是与人群接触
我就会开始有种防范的心态
不晓得自己什么起开始不愿意相信人了
也许当初一直一直去相信人
最后换回看到的是失望的结果
开始觉得相信人最后受伤的人是自己
我承认那件事对我的影响力好大
也许这是我的人生的另一个考验
走得过我就会再看见我的幸福
走不出我就会因为那个事件从此停留了
所以希望时间能让我慢慢去淡忘
现在的我好怕好怕自己是走不来
正努力积极学着怎样让自己解脱
希望自己会像蝴蝶一样破蛹让自己重生

position pricess

maybe you are the best prince that i meet
you say start until now two year you no change
maybe you not change within this two year
but i can say is me change
two year after he let me know a lot of thing
when we in roundabout walk few round
at last turn back in start point
you still same but i am not i am any more
when you want a comfirm answer from me again
i tell the last answer for you
maybe is cruel for you better i lie you
becuase your believe me i cant cheat myself and you
believe word still keep a lie word inside
i already cant put full trust on love
that position princess already not suitable for me belong
and myself really dont have confidence be your princess
love you given this princess still in situation pain
dont have confidence to accept any more love
already temporary lost in love ....
you will find a better cup of tea than me
i really dont want change this friendship situation
sorry sorry after three time answer still same
you are right only he can let me change
you try and try at last still same
you say unfair for you and me
that is dont have fair in love
is see you love who much then you will sacrificed more

08 birthday wishes

this year still same with last year
i will make 4 wishes

1st wishes:
hope my friends and family have a good health
reason is lately weather in bad condition a lot of people fall sick

2nd wishes:
hope he will appear because he promise me before
he will come celebrate with me
i know that is impossible maybe he was forget the day
i still hold last hope he will come even know this wishes will not come true
he is passive person after a lot thing happend i dont think he will come

3rd wishes
this is last year wishes i still seeking a necklace
that i lost long time ago hope can replace back
that is my careless that it lost

4th wishes
hope final exam this smester can pass becuase a lot of major subject
i need to understand and memories really no easy for doing accounting course
6subject take in this smester 4 paper is major subject two is university subject

wishes is every people will make are will come ture or not
that is need see our fate with the wishes
this year have special wishes but that special wishes will come true??
i really hope that miracle really will appear in my life this time
even i know that only 0.o1% for me that is my last hope

past 9 year birthday

this year is 10 year birthday
i still dont have mood want go celebrate
reason is mother suffer day
time past soon that was 10 year my mother passed away
really cant image it
how i pass this ten year without my mother beside me
before she passed away what thing her done and plan for me
i dont have chance to make choice
she always told that is good for me i only follow her instruction done
the night she passed away she told me next what you should do is see my destiny
she cant protect me anymore need walk by myself
10 year journey walk myself i in situation up up dpwn down
now i already know what is mum means all plan for me is good
past 9 year one month ago before birthday i will make a wishes for myself
this year also same every year i will make 4 wishes for myself
my friend told me you are greedy person
last year 4 wishes one already came true
that is all my siblings finally can have a reunion dinner with my father
that is father birthday
mon passed away whole family never have chance eat togethere
this year what wishes i will make nxt blog i will write

if time can return back two year ago

you ask a good question from me
if time can return back again
then you tell out your feeling
what will i do ?
i tell you time is impossible to return back
what already change within two year from me
you know and understand it
you ask me if i not meet him after two year you have chance
yes and sure you have the chance
after meet him he change me a lot even the relationship short
five month he let me know a lot of thing
he promise me will let me gain back my confidence in love
finally he do that but a last he made a decision i cant accept
i wont blame him because i know i love him
he wont know i already open my heart to accept him
even always make him angry when he came kl found me
when he call must argue with him in phone
after make him angry and argue with him
i sure will message to him appologize
he said that is our love style got along
because love him i repect his decision let him go
that is love what can i given to him at last
now i only hope he will more happy than before
and say sorry to you that the last answer still same with previous
you said that no need sorry that is girl that you know
always persist in in your own situation
people is not easy to change your mind
only him can change you after 4 year ago that hurt
you wish me hope one day he will open his mind then come back beside me
i only can tell you that is imposible
because he also a person always persist in his situation
no more people can change him after his decision was made
include me aslo dont have power to change it
becuase if i have the power he wont made the decision like that

我的小小幸福的定义

我一直努力在寻找着属于自己的小小幸福
但是却一次次因为一些原因对方选择了离开
也许我自己做的不够好自己不够完
没有那个能力让他们不要在二选一
三年前以为自己寻找到了却因为读书关系感情亮起了红灯
三年后是因为对方在开始的途中来个要贯注事业
感情再度从绿灯变成红灯
最近我在想我自己到底做错什么
为何次次都是他们帮我选没有给我自辩的机会
法官在判一个人罪名时都有个那个罪人最后的机会自辩
而我两次遇上都没有哪个机会
也许我自己在他们的心中是连一个罪人都不如
放开我后给我的答案都是一样的
“你已经做到很好了”
这句话变成我的感情世界的讽刺
这句话给我的忠告是
将来在感情里不要对人太好也不需要做得太好
因为最后换回的是一堆堆的伤害
我的找寻的幸福是如此简单
但是为何他们就是在最后如此潇洒说开始的人是他们
想要结束也是他们次次认为他们的决定是为我好
但是这样真的为我好为何不愿好好静下心来
听一听在我内心世界里的想法连最后的机会都被剥夺
也许我永远都是那个感情失败者吧
难道就是这个自己感情哲学把自己心伤的如此深
“宁愿自己受伤也不愿看到自己所爱的人受伤”
在我的小小幸福的概念就是以下如此简单：
幸福，不是我们拥有多少的金钱；
幸福，不是我们一起去过多少个国家；
幸福，不是住多大的豪宅；
幸福，不是拥有多少辆名车...
幸福是，每天起来能听到心爱的人关心就算不能天天见面；
幸福是，能和心爱的人一起走；
幸福是，能和心爱的人携手到老...
p/s: 四年前写的幸福定义,依然只是那么简单,到现在从未改变...
但是两个让我遇上的他知道了我小小幸福的心声
但是他们认为他们做得不够好要我另找他人
四年前同样的一句话四年后再度从另外一个人口里说出
两句同样的话事隔四年我再度听到
要是这个人这样容易找我就不会让自己的心封闭起来四年
不愿意去接受别人直到遇上了你我才真的存在
可惜最后你还是离开了。。。
也许这就是缘分吧！！

5月1日